You Know That Time When.

...you are unbelievably overwhelmed and should be cleaning or showering or napping but instead you have been reading blogs for the past hour while your kids nap, during which time you feel worse and worse about yourself because you read blogs about people who live different lives than you that seem like fairy tales even though you know that comparison is the thief of joy and their lives are hard too and now you are borderline hyperventilating and your head hurts from thinking to hard...i'm there. Time for a Diet Coke.

Living And Learning.

I have been trying to compile these thoughts for weeks. I find myself writing and rewriting this post in my head constantly and my thoughts never seem to come to any sort of end. My mind trails off and then an hour or so later I find myself elbow deep in baby poop or driving to Walmart and it starts all over. I am hoping now that I finally am sitting down to type them out they flow better on paper that in my jumbled brain. A big thanks to Nora and Stella for playing so nicely right now while baby Mabel naps, giving me a few moments of silence to collect my thoughts. This may start to ramble but I have felt for many weeks that it is important for me to journal about this past year. I do not mean for anyone to be hurt by this. It is merely a record of my feelings and how this roller coaster I have been riding, sometimes as a willing rider, other times stuck in the harness being thrown for a loop, has changed me.

May 2012:
I was pregnant with my Mabel and living next door to some of our best friends. The neighborhood was charming and beautiful. The kids and I could walk to the market, Starbucks, numerous friends' homes, a quaint little bookstore. I had tired days and hard days with my littles but for the most part life was perfect. I don't know how I got so lucky. Due to unfortunate circumstances beyond our control we were asked to move. My heart broke. Tears still well in my eyes as I type this and think of that season of change in our lives. We had no luck finding a new place to rent. I had been packing for weeks not knowing where we were headed. While driving out to Herriman one Saturday to visit my in-laws I reluctantly succumbed to the feeling that we should move in with them for the time being until we found a place.

June 2012 - December 2012:
We moved in June. I was six months pregnant.  I felt betrayed that none of my friends came to help or say goodbye. Life as I knew it was gone and would never be the same. Herriman was hard. So hard. I felt out of place in Herriman. I don't scrapbook or own a Cricut. I wear flip-flops to church. I have tattoos and take my kids to lunch on Sunday. I was not included in the neighborhood play groups or joy-school. Aaron was commuting an hour each way to and from work. And in six months of living in Herriman I only ever had one visitor. I have never been so lonely in my life. I naively thought that living with family would mean a little relief on my part. It would have been a blessing. But instead I felt like I had more responsibilities. Mabel was born in October and her sweet presence helped me feel more at peace. I was worried about having three little ones so close in age. Mabel saved me.

December 2012:
We got word from some dear friends that a duplex would be open for rent back near our old stomping grounds in Salt Lake City. We called the landlord the day after the tenants gave their thirty days notice. We moved four days after Christmas. I got in the car and cried all the way back to Salt Lake City. A blubbering mess I rolled down the window and handed a homeless man all the cash in my wallet. I hope his day was as good as mine was. He probably thought I was crazy.


This past year has been the hardest of my life. I have been a bad Mom for a lot of it. I have yelled, spanked, cried and punched walls. I am grateful that my kids are young enough that time will erase these memories from their minds. I am grateful for the friends who have stood by me. I am grateful for the peace that came from letting go of relationships that were not healthy. I am grateful to know that God has a plan for me and will not give me trials I cannot overcome. I am grateful that I can see the light at the end of this tunnel.  But I am most grateful for Aaron, Nora, Stella and Mabel. My family.

Today:
Today I have a new place to call home, three beautiful girls and a hardworking husband. And today I have been a good mom.

A Few Of My Favorite Things.

As a new mom of three (say what?!?) I have found a few key items that make mommy-hood so much easier. 

These are those items:

1. Cover Girl Lash Blast Mascara - Goes on smooth, great price, and doesn't get all smeary when your post-preggo hormones make you cry all the way home from SLC to Herriman.

2. TRESemme Dry Shampoo - I'm averaging three showers a week on a good week...washing my hair about once a week. This stuff is a lifesaver. 

3. My Placenta. In pill form. More to come on that later. A big thank you to Alisha from The Healing Group for preparing them for me. BEST BABY GIFT EVER, Thanks Mom and Dad!

4. MAM Binkies - I am very grateful Mabel takes a pacifier. Neither of her sisters cared for them very much but they sure do work wonders when the boob isn't readily available.

5. Perry Mackin Diaper Bag - Best diaper bag I have owned. Although I secretly wish I would have bought this color instead of the blue one. 

6. Bare Minerals Foundation - Love it. All you need is this and Cover Girl Lash Blast and you are good to go. 

7. My little green notebook. Purchased from Walmart for $5. It fits perfectly in the front pocket of my Perry Mackin bag and keeps me from forgetting everything. I love lists.

8. Pinterest - A nursing mother's dream. Makes those late night feedings pass by like a breeze.

9. Diet Coke. Enough said.

 

Insta.

I have a list of posts to complete and get up on the blog but just can't seem to find the time. Or I have the time and would rather sit on my butt and be lazy for ten minutes. Hopefully this week I will get back on the blogging train. For now you will have to settle for the Instagram update.

Because I Am Too Lazy To Pick Up A Real Camera.

Halloween cookies in Christmas jammies.

Mullet mania.

  Brushing her gappy teeth.

 Toons with Daddy.

 Dinosaur love/Halloween 2012

 Being a "goose" with the sewing machine cover.

 Matching mullets.

 Butterscotch heaven.

 Last splash pad day of the season.

 Feeding ducks/geese at First Dam, Logan.

 Outfit of choice.

 Hives.

Deck jammies with Papa Doug.

Sorry if any of these are duplicates. I was too lazy to check my last Insta-pic post. Also, I love my kids the same but Nora is harder to catch on camera. 

From The Mouth Of Babes.

Both kinds of babes. The following are some new Nora-isms as well as a few from my babe of a husband.

(After being startled by the automatic toilet flush)
Nora: Oh Mom, that makes nervous.

(Walking in to our friends Will and Jessica's wedding reception)
Nora: Wow Dad, look at this classy sidewalk.

(Drinking a blue Slushee at Lagoon)
Nora: Brrrrrr, My brain is burning!

(Aaron and I talking about Katie's delivery of her sweet new little one)
Me: Dang, I wish I only had to push for two minutes to get a kid out.

Aaron: Maybe this time the baby will just fall out like that for you.
Me: (Rolling my eyes) 9 lb. babies don't just fall out hun.

(Nora, Aaron and Spencer playing Lego's...Nora threw the sword back into the pile)
Spencer: Nora No, where did that sword go?!?
Nora: I didn't want it.
Aaron: Where is the sword Nora!?!
Nora: I didn't want it.
Aaron: Nora we we're playing with that sword.
....the saga continued over Lego's for 2+ hours...while Nicole and I watched.
I have yet to determine who enjoyed the Lego's more, Aaron or Nora.

Oh, and Stella learned the word "mine".

 And i'm still pregnant. 7 weeks and counting!

And Lagoon was AWESOME! Just as much fun as an adult as it was as a kid. And the girl's did great. Can't wait for Disneyland. Four months and three days to go.

Nomad.

In the past six days I have stayed at four different houses. This weekend will mark home number five before heading back to Herriman (where we moved in with the in-laws last week). This past week and a half has taught me many life lessons.
1. My husband, the girls and I can comfortably live with just the items that fit in one laundry basket.
2. I am a lucky girl to have in-laws who care so much about my little family.
3. Herriman is not the place for me. I need city living or extreme country...the in between of Herriman doesn't suit me and I feel like I am losing my marbles.
4. Having kids who adapt well to change is priceless.
5. I will never have a husband who has to commute longer than 30 minutes each way to work. (The apartment hunt and/or job hunt continues)
6. Moving while pregnant is easier than moving with a newborn (which we have done with Nora and Stella) but I look forward to a time when we don't have to move every year of our marriage.
7. Leaving good friends hurts my heart like a bad highschool break up.
Here's to praying we find some normalcy before Mabel arrives. Speaking of which, I get to enjoy a glucose test, blood test and a rhogam shot in about an hour. Yipee. Nothing like a giant needle stuck in my fat ol' butt cheek. Happy 4th of July everyone!

As Of Late.

 My 15 month old knows how to unlock my Iphone and play her games...technology baby.

 Stella's face of choice, the squinty.

 Trying (and failing) to get a pic of the girls in their matching outfits. But it does capture the bunnies...oh the bunnies...I wonder if Mabel will be as obsessed when she arrives??