The Proof Is In The Picture.

Our fetus has a penis :)
IT'S A BOY!!!

And I am still shocked.
At an ultrasound at 14 weeks the midwife said girl.
At the 19 week ultrasound the tech said girl too...
Until she typed "Just kidding, I 'm a boy!!"
He had us all fooled.
I couldn't be more excited and terrified to raise a little boy!
And i'm pretty sure agreeing on a name for this little one is the hardest thing Aaron and I will ever do. I'm debating just going with Stella's suggestion and name him Pancake. Suggestions welcome.

Happy New Year!

It probably comes as no surprise that I NEVER make my New Year resolutions happen. After a month or two they get been pushed to the back of my mind and I forget/lose interest. Well ladies and gentlemen I am happy to announce that I earned a big FAIL for my 2013 goal and I couldn't be happier about it!

Announcing baby Edwards #4.
ETA: August 1, 2014
Which for my inevitably means after that date so i'm shooting for 8-6-2014 (8+6=14). All my kids have cool numerical sequences with their birthdays and I hope to keep up the trend for this (probably our last) baby.
As for this years goals I only have two:
1. Grow a healthy baby and stay as healthy as possible myself while doing so.
2. Spend more time loving on my kids and less time getting distracted with household chores/social media/friends.
Happy New Year!

Grateful.

A lot of my days lately have been filled with anxiety and guilt. Anxiety over finding a new job and getting the bills paid on time. Guilt for being a not so stellar mom because of the toll the anxiety is taking on my body and mind. Today I decided I was just going to spend every second on my kids and try to ignore the job hunting, piles of laundry, dirty bathroom and kitchen and running errands. It has been marvelous. We ate breakfast together, danced, built a fort, read books, danced again, went to lunch and now the girls are reading in their fort together while the baby sleeps. I am overwhelmed with gratitude at the blessing to be their mom. These little girls hold my heart in their tiny hands. I love you to the stars little ones!

October Bliss.

I was made for October. I was also born in October as well as some of my most favorite people on this planet. That crisp wonderfully smelling air is nearly impossible to beat. Oh and did I mention my favorite outfit is jeans and a t-shirt with a hoodie at the ready. Perfect October attire. This year in October we celebrate Mabel's 1st birthday, bittersweet. And Aaron's 29th, our last year before he hits the big "30" and have to pretend we are actually adults. But this October 1st marks a very special day on my calendar. Stella Sue is officially potty trained. Holla! And she did it all on her own. I am one proud Momma. Happy October 1st everyone. I hope your day has been as fabulous as mine. Here's to Stella, the feisty little firecracker who does things her way on her own time just like her stubborn Momma. And to Mabel, my sweet little Red. Happy Birthday tomorrow! Don't get too old.

Another Late Night List.

I had fully intended to write a new blog post tonight but then 38 minutes ago I got sucked into reading all y'alls blogs and now I am almost too tired to think. So here are my three random thoughts that went through my mind today but I am too tired to elaborate on.

1. Someone should warn all new parents that they have unknowingly agreed to not only raise their little tykes but to be a 24 hour a day jungle gym.

2. I am pretty sure that I could NEVER work in the medical field because I get grossed out by stupid things (ants, warts, spores on the back of ferns, anything resembling small dots, etc.)...I may or may not be heaving right now as I typed those horrifying things...but today I did surgery on my ingrown and obscenely infected toenail that got stepped on by children seven times today (I am a jungle gym I tell ya) and IT. FELT. AWESOME. Well, really, it was excruciatingly painful and I probably should have seen a doctor but it was very empowering to get 'er done by myself. I'm not only a cheapskate but a DIY surgeon.

3. I had this moment today while I was feeding Mabel when we were not only connected tiny mouth to nipple but also giant booger trail to mama's t-shirt. It was perfect. I am so grateful to be able to nurse my littles. And if anyone is in need of a new blog to read during nap time check out Jill over at Goodnight Mush. I kind of have an "I don't know you but I feel like I do through social media and I think I love you" crush. She is a babywearing, breastfeeding momma who tells it like it is and her family and her are drop dead gorgeous. Give her a read.

I told myself I am going to start running this week (insert eye roll here) so I had better head to bed. Goodnight.

You Know That Time When.

...you are unbelievably overwhelmed and should be cleaning or showering or napping but instead you have been reading blogs for the past hour while your kids nap, during which time you feel worse and worse about yourself because you read blogs about people who live different lives than you that seem like fairy tales even though you know that comparison is the thief of joy and their lives are hard too and now you are borderline hyperventilating and your head hurts from thinking to hard...i'm there. Time for a Diet Coke.

Mommy Shoot.

I expected that the last post would leave you wanting more and I am happy to oblige. My friend Sam has got some serious talent. Sam is new to the biz and is wonderful! I was seriously in shock when I saw how well these turned out because I felt so frazzled the entire time.  Trying to wrangle three littles who were dying to play at the park after I forced them into an impromptu photo session was hard work. But Sam is just that good. She captures the pure beauty of daily life and I would bet that she can bring you to tears too. Check her out: Samantha Kelly Photography.  Oh and I forgot to mention she works with her sweet hubby Chas and does video too!: Kelly Arts Films.  I have big plans for a Halloween family video so stay tuned...and check these guys out. You wont be sorry.

Living And Learning.

I have been trying to compile these thoughts for weeks. I find myself writing and rewriting this post in my head constantly and my thoughts never seem to come to any sort of end. My mind trails off and then an hour or so later I find myself elbow deep in baby poop or driving to Walmart and it starts all over. I am hoping now that I finally am sitting down to type them out they flow better on paper that in my jumbled brain. A big thanks to Nora and Stella for playing so nicely right now while baby Mabel naps, giving me a few moments of silence to collect my thoughts. This may start to ramble but I have felt for many weeks that it is important for me to journal about this past year. I do not mean for anyone to be hurt by this. It is merely a record of my feelings and how this roller coaster I have been riding, sometimes as a willing rider, other times stuck in the harness being thrown for a loop, has changed me.

May 2012:
I was pregnant with my Mabel and living next door to some of our best friends. The neighborhood was charming and beautiful. The kids and I could walk to the market, Starbucks, numerous friends' homes, a quaint little bookstore. I had tired days and hard days with my littles but for the most part life was perfect. I don't know how I got so lucky. Due to unfortunate circumstances beyond our control we were asked to move. My heart broke. Tears still well in my eyes as I type this and think of that season of change in our lives. We had no luck finding a new place to rent. I had been packing for weeks not knowing where we were headed. While driving out to Herriman one Saturday to visit my in-laws I reluctantly succumbed to the feeling that we should move in with them for the time being until we found a place.

June 2012 - December 2012:
We moved in June. I was six months pregnant.  I felt betrayed that none of my friends came to help or say goodbye. Life as I knew it was gone and would never be the same. Herriman was hard. So hard. I felt out of place in Herriman. I don't scrapbook or own a Cricut. I wear flip-flops to church. I have tattoos and take my kids to lunch on Sunday. I was not included in the neighborhood play groups or joy-school. Aaron was commuting an hour each way to and from work. And in six months of living in Herriman I only ever had one visitor. I have never been so lonely in my life. I naively thought that living with family would mean a little relief on my part. It would have been a blessing. But instead I felt like I had more responsibilities. Mabel was born in October and her sweet presence helped me feel more at peace. I was worried about having three little ones so close in age. Mabel saved me.

December 2012:
We got word from some dear friends that a duplex would be open for rent back near our old stomping grounds in Salt Lake City. We called the landlord the day after the tenants gave their thirty days notice. We moved four days after Christmas. I got in the car and cried all the way back to Salt Lake City. A blubbering mess I rolled down the window and handed a homeless man all the cash in my wallet. I hope his day was as good as mine was. He probably thought I was crazy.


This past year has been the hardest of my life. I have been a bad Mom for a lot of it. I have yelled, spanked, cried and punched walls. I am grateful that my kids are young enough that time will erase these memories from their minds. I am grateful for the friends who have stood by me. I am grateful for the peace that came from letting go of relationships that were not healthy. I am grateful to know that God has a plan for me and will not give me trials I cannot overcome. I am grateful that I can see the light at the end of this tunnel.  But I am most grateful for Aaron, Nora, Stella and Mabel. My family.

Today:
Today I have a new place to call home, three beautiful girls and a hardworking husband. And today I have been a good mom.

Today I Took A Shower.

And that is a miracle.
Today has been hard. Now that I can laugh about it I can tell you all about it without wanting to cry.
It began at 12:15 a.m...
I had just drove in the driveway after watching the Bachelor with my ladies. Aaron tells me Nora has been fussing on and off for two hours. She is getting over a cold and Aaron didn't even need to finish his sentence before I knew Nora had yet another ear infection. Luckily our pediatrician has a walk-in clinic from 8-9 a.m everyday so we didn't need an appointment. But I did need to wake Mabel up to get out the door before 8:30. I was a little ticked that her ears couldn't have waited one more day to bother her since I have Mabel's well baby visit tomorrow. Oh well. The doctors findings: Double ear infections. Again. It has never been just one ear. So we head off to Dan's to the pharmacy. Mabel is screaming because she is hungry and refuses to nurse in the car. The kids are whining and I am getting light headed since I haven't eaten anything yet. We make it home around 10 a.m. just in time for me to make two crock pots of taco soup for tonight. You see...I have 11 ladies coming to play Bunco and of course it's my month to host. My mom dropped off a lamp for me to borrow around 11:30 since our front room has no lighting and Bunco in the dark might be a little challenging. I was whining to her about the ear infections when i'm sure someone up in heaven got sick of listening to my pity party and decided to really give me something to whine about....
Stella wiped her chocolate hands all over the couch.
Then she decided she didn't want mac-n-cheese for lunch so she left the kitchen and barfed it up on the carpet.
I decided it was tub time. It always seems to calm everyone down.
The girls were playing mermaid (entire bodies submerged "swimming" in the tub) while I cleaned the kitchen. When I went to get them out 15 minutes later I was horrified to find Nora had pooped in their ocean.
I drained the tub showered the girls and got them out to dry.
Stella walked out of the bathroom and peed on the carpet.
Once they were dressed and watching some Netflix I proceeded to disinfect the bathroom.
I walked out to find Stella sitting on Mabel in the baby swing....
Then life calmed down, I took Nora to dance, bought myself a giant Diet Coke and Stella fell asleep in the car. That's when the miracles started raining down on me.
1. Stella let me carry her inside asleep and is still sleeping!!!
2. Mabel fell asleep too.
3. I GOT A SHOWER!!
4. And I got to sit down for the first time today.

...I still haven't washed my hair in four days...but maybe that's a miracle for tomorrow.
Now to clean the rest of the house before my hubby and eleven women show up. Wish me luck!

What We Eat.

I had some friends ask me for my go-to list of meal ideas. And since I finally typed it up instead of just trying to read my old, folded up, food covered handwritten menu list I thought I would seize the opportunity to get it out into the blogosphere for referring back to if I can't find the original. So with no further adieu:

Menu Ideas

Soups and Stews:

Beef Stew

Lentil Stew

Taco Soup

Potato Cheese Soup

Corn Chowder

Tomato Basil Soup

Broccoli Cheese Soup

Breakfast for Dinner:

Buttermilk Pancakes

Frittata

Coffee Cake

Sweet Rolls

Ebelskivers

French Toast

            Captain Crunch French Toast

            Cinnamon Bread French Toast

Biscuits and Gravy

Breakfast Quesadillas

Waffles

            Pumpkin Waffles

Other:

Baked BBQ Chicken

Mexican Chicken Casserole with Corn Tortillas

Fettuccini Alfredo

Vegetable and Cheese Fettuccini

French Dip Sandwiches

Grilled Cheese

Chicken Quesadillas

Stir Fry

Funeral Potatoes

Green Chile and Chicken Enchiladas

Chicken Pot Pie

Vegetable Lasagna

Pizza

Cream Dried Beef on Toast

Classic Fajitas

Crock Pot Chicken and Black Bean Fajitas

Homemade Mac-n-cheese

Pasta with Sautéed Vegetables

7 Layer Dip

Chicken Pasta Salad

Broccoli Cheese Quinoa Casserole

Crock Pot Brown Sugar Chicken on Rice

Hawaiian Haystacks

Tacos

Meatballs and Mashed Potatoes

Tuna Melts

Grill (Weather permitting)

            Hot Dogs

            Hamburgers

            Chicken

            Turkey Burgers

            Veggies

Cheese Tortellini (Costco)

Notes:

I put myself on a grocery budget of $100 a week plus $100 a month for Costco (including diapers/toiletries/cleaning supplies). Most of these items get made only when ingredients are in season or on sale. I also have staple items that I only buy at Costco. And most of these items are made from scratch. So let me know if you need or want recipes.

-Waffles/Pancakes are usually accompanied by homemade coconut or cinnamon buttermilk syrup

-We make smoothies about every other day as a side dish for our meals. I throw in spinach/kale/avocado and my kids/hubby are none the wiser ;)

-Another go-to side dish is green beans. I buy the big bag of organic ones at Costco and sauté them with garlic, salt and pepper.

-On “pizza” days. It usually is one from Costco as well, the Kirkland Signature brand. I add dried basil and other toppings if we have them on hand.

-In cold weather I try to make our own honey whole wheat bread to accompany soups/pasta since it is way cheaper…and my little sister gave me her recipe that is surprisingly easy.

Costco Staples:

Frozen Chicken

Green Beans

Milk

Carnation Instant Breakfast

Frozen Fruit

Seasonal Fruits

            Berries

            Watermelon

            Cuties

Tortilla Chips

Seasonings

Canned Chicken

I'm sure there are items I am forgetting. But this is the current list. I usually ask my hubs and kids what they want that week and fill in the rest with what I feel like cooking. We also have one eat-out meal a week. We either pick up Dad for lunch or go out one night for dinner. (It usually ends up being Chick-fil-a per the kiddos request)

A Few Of My Favorite Things.

As a new mom of three (say what?!?) I have found a few key items that make mommy-hood so much easier. 

These are those items:

1. Cover Girl Lash Blast Mascara - Goes on smooth, great price, and doesn't get all smeary when your post-preggo hormones make you cry all the way home from SLC to Herriman.

2. TRESemme Dry Shampoo - I'm averaging three showers a week on a good week...washing my hair about once a week. This stuff is a lifesaver. 

3. My Placenta. In pill form. More to come on that later. A big thank you to Alisha from The Healing Group for preparing them for me. BEST BABY GIFT EVER, Thanks Mom and Dad!

4. MAM Binkies - I am very grateful Mabel takes a pacifier. Neither of her sisters cared for them very much but they sure do work wonders when the boob isn't readily available.

5. Perry Mackin Diaper Bag - Best diaper bag I have owned. Although I secretly wish I would have bought this color instead of the blue one. 

6. Bare Minerals Foundation - Love it. All you need is this and Cover Girl Lash Blast and you are good to go. 

7. My little green notebook. Purchased from Walmart for $5. It fits perfectly in the front pocket of my Perry Mackin bag and keeps me from forgetting everything. I love lists.

8. Pinterest - A nursing mother's dream. Makes those late night feedings pass by like a breeze.

9. Diet Coke. Enough said.

 

Meet Mabel.

Mabel Lois Edwards

October 2, 2012 @ 1:58 p.m

7 lbs. 9 oz 

20 inches long

Blonde hair and blue eyes.

We love her to the stars!

Dear Sweet Ones.

I am sorry I have been a cranky/short tempered/beast of a mom lately. I am sorry for all the house hopping and the lack of normalcy I have forced upon you. I am sorry that you, Sweet Stella, turned 16 months and I hardly noticed. And you, My Tootsie, have been craving my attention and I have been blind to it. I love you both to the stars and back. You are my everything. I am going to be better. I am going to take you on adventures and be the "cool mom" I vowed to be years before I had kids. We are going to go camping and swimming and stay up late all summer because all too soon the summer will be over and we will find ourselves missing the ninety-something degree heat and long days. I am excited for fall and baby Mabel, but for now she is content in her watery womb and I am going to spoil you girls rotten. Love you!! -Mom

 Preferring the dog dish to her swimming pool.

 First time at the community pool.

 Tired baby #1.

 Tired baby #2.

BBQing with Papa Doug on the deck. (Costco jammies are a wardrobe staple around here)

 Enjoying Daddy's survival hammock.

My Shopping Saga.

Two days ago Katie and I along with our three kids and two pregnant bellies attempted the feat of Costco, followed by Walmart, immediately followed by Target. First up was Costco. I don't actually remember why we were there but no trip to Costco is complete without feeding me and my two kids for $2.50. Stella and Oliver were in the cart busily beating each other while Nora was chucking her chin on the counter trying to catch the first glimpse of her hot dog. We got our lunch but K. had to wait 2 minutes for her sandwich to be hot off the press. I meanwhile took the cart and the 3 year old to get the table. The only table open. I felt someone walking behind be extremely closely as I tried to maneuver passed the relish. I told Nora to lead the way and take the corner table and I would follow with the cart when the coast was clear. That's when it happened....The man following too close for comfort rushed past me, pushed Nora out of his way and stole our table. I KNOW he heard me tell her to sit there and I was irate. Not to mention that when he so rudely shoved Nora she accidentally bumped into another man overloading his polish dog with onions. I took a deep breath and saw another table open up and directed Nora towards it following slowly behind as I tried to squeeze the giant cart through the tiny aisle.  Then it happened again....Onion man walked briskly passed and stole our next table.  We finally ended up with a table and ate our food. I decided not to confront either man because person #1 looked like he would shoot me and person #2 looked like he was already having a miserable day. We took out groceries and moved onto Walmart.  I had the blinker on waiting for a parking spot as the occupants of the car took their good ol' time backing out. Then it happened again...some dumb girl swerved down the row, cut off our car and stole our parking spot. As K. and I hauled all three kids out of the car seats the girl got out and practically ran inside not looking back. Get a life people. We had three kids and are both pregnant. Have some respect. Luckily Target was a success and we got an awesome baby gift for out friend Sam. That's all.

What Am I Doing?!?

Today while sitting at Chick-fil-A with this awesome gal I kept thinking "What am I doing?". Our kids were fighting. One would yell at the other one, the other would cry. The babies whiny with their newly growing teeth. And food was everywhere. Even our favorite worker, sweet Mona, was probably thinking we were crazy. I have been married a short 5 years, born two children and am expecting a third. My hubby is trying to finish graduate school and we are dirt poor. I am overwhelmed a lot lately with a three-year-old child who some days resembles a demon and a one-year-old who seems to only pick up her older sisters' naughty habits. I have no idea what I am doing. I am just doing me. Here are some recent pics of us doing what we do best...living our crazy life.

 Fun in the sun with juice boxes.

 Feeding their "kids" while we wait for Daddy.

 Today's 18 1/2 week bump.

 Yo Gabba Gabba with Daddy.

This is how I feel most days.

For The FTM's Who Read This Blog. (Sam & Emma)

Never fail to bring a diaper and wipes with you everywhere until you kid is 3...and counting...and usually a change of clothing for the littles until they are one...and then again once you potty train them for a few months just in case. Or you might just end up two blocks from home at the local Starbucks for tea and chocolate milk and have the worst blow out of your mothering experience. You would think being preggo with #3 that I would have learned this important lesson but apparently not. I was high and dry (not so dry really) with no diaper or wipes. Poop everywhere. All over Bubba, her clothes, her legs, dripping down her feet, the stroller, my dress and the floor. I had no wipes and no idea what to do. So I walked home with Toosie by my side both Bubba and I still covered in feces. The natural solution right? Sorry Starbucks. Lesson learned.

Dear Boobs.

If you weren't so darned healthy for my babies I would be tempted to hack you off. Why, when I am doing the "healthy" option for my Stella, do you feel the need to get Mastitis when she is almost 10 months old?!? Not to mention that last time you hit me with this ton of bricks it was Thanksgiving Day and now you throw me for a loop again on the day that I am supposed to take both girlies to Logan for the weekend by my self. Hopefully the family at the wedding/Christmas party will get a laugh out of the lopsided-ness of you two due to this infection. Thanks again. Sincerely, TheMomWhoWishesHerDaughterWasOneSoSheCouldStopBeingTheHouseholdCow

***Note:I am very grateful for the ability to breastfeed. I know not everyone can and I count it a blessing that I can. Sometimes it just hurts like hell.